Mutt & Jeff on ‘Bating’ Old Age

Ivan Morris
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Mutt & Jeff

Ivan Morris

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After an unusually long hiatus, my alter-egos Mutt & Jeff met up for 9-holes of hickory golf recently. The conversation took quite an unexpected and unpredictable turn.

Mutt: How long ago is it since we last played a game of flog together? As you know, I was more than less out of the game for 6-months because of minor heart and knee surgeries. I would never want 64 years of total devotion to end in a whimper so, I’m slowly trying to get back into it again. And, as if I could afford it, I have quickly noticed that I’ve lost more distance and that as one gets older resilience, bouncebackability, and recovery is more difficult. I’m beginning to wonder if it the time to sell my clubs and retire is not far away?

Jeff: Sounds familiar but it is far too soon to tell. Give yourself a chance but don’t rush it. I’m in the same boat. My ball-striking is reasonably satisfactory all things considered. Par-4s that I could reach with a drive and 8-iron once upon a time are now barely within reach when hitting two, dead solid, perfect, metal woods. I’m lucky to break the 200-yards barrier off the tee when there isn’t any run on the ball. An ‘old man’s game’ for over 500-years became a ‘young man’s game’ in less than a quarter of a century – all thanks to technology and advanced learnings in strength and conditioning coaching that we never had at our disposal when we were young.

Mutt: Sure, we knew nothing. We made it up as we went along and found our own ways to ‘figure the game out’. In these times when video and Trackman technology predominate – one can’t keep up with, let alone beat, the youth.

Jeff: Nor should we try but, if I want to keep playing sufficiently well to enjoy it and continue beating my age occasionally, I know that I need to be able to ‘up’ my swing speed and hit the ball further than 195-yards most of the time.

Mutt: I’d love to know how you are going to do that? As you know, we’ll both be starting our 80th year in 2024, but I’d still like to be the ‘best I can be’ and 195 off the tee won’t cut it. What’s your cunning plan apart from moving up to the green tees?

Jeff: You are in for a surprise, it’s pretty much out of left field. As a lifetime ‘ignorer’ of GAA games, I have embarked on something I would never have thought of in a million years, nor would you as a died-in-the-wool, former rugby man. To get my clubhead speed up and regain my upper body fitness I bought a hurley and a soft sliotar to use in a handball alley a couple of times per week. I’ve been whacking balls against the wall off my right side and left side as hard as I can. At first, instinct had me chasing (waddling hopelessly, more like) after the rebounding ball – until I copped myself on. No need for that! The soft sliotar ball is not very fast or lively and if I try to keep it low and on a downward flight path, it won’t fly back over my head.

Mutt: Janey Mac, I’d have a heart attack! But it sounds intriguing. Life is movement and movement is life – even in one’s sunset years. For me, gyms have always been a big bore and places where I injured myself despite having a personal trainer beside me.

Jeff: Alley hurling ticks my boxes. My sessions are short and intense, 12 to 15 minutes. I concentrate wholly on ‘fast hands.’ It’s fantastic exercise and fun. I don’t do it for fun though, it’s strictly business with a future pay-off in mind. Faster hand speed will give me more hitting distance on the golf course.

Mutt: May I come with you the next day you are going for a whack, just to see what it is like? I have minimal knowledge and experience of hurling and even less of handball. We both went to a ‘rugby school’ where GAA was non-existent. Hard to believe today that in the GAA schools, rugby and soccer were banned. As a generation, we were deprived!

Jeff: I have also bought rubber resistance bands and am pulling them every which way I can think of in short bursts a couple of times daily.

Mutt: This is classic Golf Nut behaviour – no wonder I’m attracted to it.

Jeff: Light resistance bands used at speed are fantastic for golf. Heavy ones used slowly are for building strength not speed. Probably wise to wear protective glasses as they can snap. I snapped one last week and I thought I had been shot! The NFL player Tom Brady has written a terrific book advocating the use of resistance bands by all athletes. He has a You Tube Channel and a website about it, which claims bands will allow one to train without strains and injury or the need for going to the gym.

Mutt: I think you are pulling my leg now – no pun intended. I’m too far gone into my geriatric years to call myself an athlete anymore, but I am interested in prolonging my senior golfing days, otherwise I will be beginning a steady, boring, no fun, march towards the graveyard with no turnback.

Jeff: For speed, be sure to buy the lightest bands. They are not exclusively used for hand speed. Inner thigh and hip warm-ups are also good for golf. Easy does it at first, of course.

Mutt: I’m fascinated and energised. I needed something like this to give me a boost and some hope that I can roll back the years and improve my hitting distances, if only by a few yards. Why shouldn’t old fossils want to improve? An improving golfer is a happy golfer.

Jeff: Swinging a hurley stick is not that much different from swinging a baseball bat or golf club. It’s just a little bit wilder and uninhibited.

Mutt: We can only live in the present. DIY Strength & Conditioning is possible – even at our ages. Personal trainers are too expensive.

Jeff: ‘Bate’ sliotars and pull those bands!

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