I See You in Everyone*

There are always going to be the golf nuts who see golf wherever they go, whatever they look at. A patch of grass between buildings might make an intriguing par four, a lake left after a downpour becomes the perfect water hazard and any stretch of dunes becomes an entire golf course in the golf nut’s eye.

And then there are people like Simon, on Twitter, who go the extra kilometre… or 1,230 metres to be precise. You see, Simon went to UCD to study Environment Biology, well over a decade ago, and ever since he’s had this nagging question in his head.

“The whole time I was at UCD I used to look at the water tower and wonder, if the tower were a golf tee, how tall would the golfer be? So after a very long time, I decided to find out.”

He started a thread on Twitter and shows his calculations and how he came to his conclusions. There are photographs from Sandymount strand, there are photos of Rory McIlroy getting cosy with a ruler (the 12 inch kind), and then there’s Godzilla… yes, you read that right. His Twitter handle is @simodoho Look him up.

Here’s the bulk of his thread.

“First thing I needed was a clear view of the water tower from sea level. So I cycled out into the bay when the tide was out and got my photos”

“Then I needed to find out the standard golf tee and golf ball size, and convert to metric. so the golf tee is 4.27cm and the golf ball 8.26cm.”

(Simon told me that he got the measurements reversed in his Tweets. The diameter of the golf ball is 4.27cm, and the length of the tee is 8.26cm.)

“Next I superimposed an 8.26cm golf tee over the UCD water tower and added some golf balls to start to get a sense of scale…”

“I then needed to know the height of a golfer. So I chose Rory McIlroy and found out his height. 1.75m.”

“So at 1.75m tall, and the golf balls being 4.27cm in diameter, Rory is approximately 41 golf balls tall.”

“I added in Rory and a ruler and as it was a bit fiddly, I settled on 2 golf balls per 1cm, which would make Rory 20.5cm high.”

“But my photo of Rory had him bent backward, so I had to straighten him out to get the height right.”

This guy is going to extremes, right?

“With Rory straightened, I got him to the correct height relative to the golf ball and tee”

The end pic.twitter.com/l7MG83odbZ

— Simon☜ ( ʘᴗʘ☜) (@simodoho) March 1, 2021

So now we have an answer, although Simon does point out: “I studied Environment Biology in UCD, so eh, treat my calculations with caution…

“I must put my hands up and say I know very little about golf. I have no handicap, I could just about make it around The Valley pitch and putt with friends the few times I played, and my granny easily beat me at Stepaside golf course as a child!

Of course, the trouble with doing all of that research is that having completed it, someone wanted to know how far Rory would be able to hit it if he was indeed 1,230 metres tall. Simon’s worked that one out too, but you’ll have to look him up Twitter to find the answer.

* I See You in Everyone was a track on the 1984 album Vital Signs, by Survivor.