Laughter is the best medicine

Cocooned and cooped up as we are, laughter is the best medicine:

Never keep more than 100 separate swing thoughts in your mind at any one time.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls.

If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the group ahead is still putting out, you can do one of two things: shank a lay-up or wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors

Everyone replaces their divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a thirty-foot putt for a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant and chalant putts count exactly the same.

It’s not a gimme putt if you’re still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the centre of a very large tree.

You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Golf is the perfect activity on Sundays because you spend longer praying than you ever would in Church. It’s easier to get up at 6:00 AM on Sundays to go play golf than at 10:00 AM to go to Church, or mow the grass.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are…that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse)

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course ~ Rev. Dr. Billy Graham.

The best way to be judged a good caddie is to carry the bag of a very good player – Colin Byrne.

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty ~ Harry Vardon.

Golf is a game to be enjoyed; find a way to enjoy it or, find another activity. Life is too short to do otherwise ~ Gary Wiren.